Song: Meet me halfway (Black Eyed Peas) Quote: "I made the right choice" (me)

Gosh....almost a year...only one more year and I'm halfway through with college...so many things have changed. For the better. For the worst. Naw- definitley for the better. Met many new fun people, I`m working, studying, traveling, living. I have seen so many interesting new places, learned so many new things, important things. Of course a lot of shit happend, too. I still can't handle the death, can't wrap my mind around it. I miss you, honey! Still thinking about you - don't understand it.
Berlin is great, although I can easily imagine myself living in a different country... I have seen so many great cities lately. I have a need to learn much more in the short time that is left in college...can't believe this should be all. I just started, I can't survive out there on my own ( of course I can, but I don't really want to.

without titel

Song: "Night Drive" The All-American Rejects
Quote: "Talk about responsibility" (GA) oder: "Wo schlafen all die U-Bahnen?" (mir)

Das ist eine sehr interessante Frage...wo schlafen denn all die U-Bahnen in Berlin, die ja abends auch mal Pause machen dürfen und nur alle 10-15 Minuten fahren.
Jetzt habe ich auch eine Antwort....da fährt man so nachts müde nach hause und starrt aus dem Fenster in die schöne schwarze Dunkelheit und plötzlich bricht die Wand auf und man kann eine Bahn erkennen....aber nein, das ist nicht die Gegenseite, sondern eben eine schlafende U-Bahn....ich dachte immer, dass die einen Endbahnhof haben, so wie die Busse eben. Aber dass die da einfach so in den Tunneln rumstehen hätte ich ja nicht gedacht...
Ich frage mich, ob es auch einen U-Bahnfriedhof da zwischen den Gleisen gibt....und vor allem....laufen die U-Bahnfahrer dann den ganzen Weg zurück, auf den Gleisen, oder werden sie von anderen mitgenommen?
Nur mal so nebenbei, ich glaube nicht, dass ich U-Bahnfahrer sein könnte...immer nur endlose Gleise vor dir haben, dann wird man ja trübsinnig...und abends immer noch aufpassen müssen, dass die ganzen Besoffenen schön brav am Rand stehen bleiben, bis der Zug eingefahren ist...aber dabei haben sie es glaube ich noch einfacher als Busfahrer...das ist ja dann wohl der absolute Horror...sowohl nachts als auch morgens mit den ganzen Schulkindern....Talk about responsibility....

New Background

Song: Bitch (Meredith Brooks)
Quote: I'm a bitch, I'm a lover, I'm a child, I'm a mother, I'm a sinner, I'm a saint. I do not feel ashamed. I'm your hell, I'm your dream, I am nothing in between......

I am searching for a new background for my blog. Found many good ones and can't decide (as always. This one is a little bit dark, but it is growing on me. Minute for minute it's looking better ;) Here and there a few changes in the post-colour and et voilà....
I think I will leave this one, see how it works out...

Changing subject? Big city - many things happen:
Like today, we were waiting for our field trip to "Schloss Charlottenburg" to start, when we heard a woman screeming "Oww...Oww" from across the street along the fore court...some of us ran right away to the accident point:
A taxi had stopped and the (apparently spanish) passenger opened the door and knocked out a bicyclist....well, the passenger didn't see his fault (because he didn't understand a word, of course) and gestured furious...and than: ran away....at least it seemed so from far away...apparently he was searching for a telephone...but the police caught him....luckily for him, one of my fellow students is spanish and could translate (when it was his turn to do his presentation he wasn't with the group...police took him along to the station)..so in the end the ambulance brought the woman to the hospital and the passanger had to pay money and could catch his flight back home and the fellow student wasn't giving his presentation....
But it is interessting to see how people react in such a situation....

Favourite Words

Sometimes, when you hear words in a different language, you have favourite words. Here are some of mine in English, connected to a text:

Behind the horizon!

Once upon a time , there was this legend of peace. Someone said:
"I promise you, behind the horizon there is a tiny, week light. But if you dare to dunk in it, over the edge of time, it will rise to an enormous warm (but canny) fire and you will smile because of all the happiness you will feel- trust me! Don't be impatiant - night become day and day returns to night- your time has not come yet!
In your lifetime you might have felt fear and like a victim, but you can forget this bad memories, good ones will follow. You will see a shadow following you, but don't be scared - it's your guardian angel, helping you to find the right path and protect you against all enemies that could poison you. Don't hesitate - ge was always there.
The world is only a place - heaven is another. Forget about the evil - it isn't important. Sooner or later a feeling will rise- you will feel like lying on a pillow and you will hear nothing- only a pleasant silence. You will feel more alive than ever - don't be ashamed, you don't have to feel guilty. It's okay, nobody deserves your tears."

And with this words the almost white creature smiled and took you by the hand an went with you into the light and flew ahead to show you the way - your angel smiled.
"Don't be afraid of death...."

Here I go again

Song: "Looking at the world from the bottom of a well!" (Mike Doughty)
Quote: "The heart does things for reasons, that reason cannot understand...."

Oh my, this semester is so full and interesting...new language (french :/), new topics (architecture), new friends, new destinations. And I am loving every minute of it. When I walked done the main hall in collage last semester, a laaarge stream of people came across me, all anonymous. And nowadays (one of my favourite english words :) ) from every corner is someone waving at me, greeting me, smiling at me. This is the way I always wanted it ;)
I made plans for the holidays, have applied to internships, have good marks (Ha...despite all evil voices back in school, that I only get my good marks because of my father!) I think it's going very well at the moment.
Well, I take off now, have a long weekend in university ahead of me.

Song: We used to be - Dandy Warhols
Quote: Berlin, Berlin du bist so wunderbar

Sometimes when you don't think about it, it hits you. Some random thoughts. Last time it hits me was two days ago. 0.31 o'clock, I was ready to go to bed, but because of my white curtains my room is bright in my room if outside there is a light. I can't really sleep when my room is bright, so I watched outside my window and - the whole sky was bright, like set alight in an orange colour. Very random for after midnight.
So standing there watching the sky it hits me. I would never had imagined me here in the big city all on my own, being ready with school. But now I am here, living my life. Time is running so fast. I remember latley things from my childhood. Good things, bad things, things where I embarressed myself, funny things. But they are gone. Maybe forever. They will never happen again. Strange thing, this memory.

Song: Join me in death
Quote: Nothing is for free, even death costs the life.

I always thought: I am not afraid of death, well, it's just another point that everybody has to past. I thought of it as something normal. But tonight, in Berlin, in a tiny little cinema, in the dark, where a taiwan film was playing it hits me. It was a death-scene, nothing special, something you almost see in every film (this time you even haven't really a connection towards the actors because there where confusing subtitles that didn't last long enough to read them) but my heart tightend and my only thought was: "No, there can't be nothing. Emptiness. No thoughts. It can't be over like this." I don't know where this thought came from. It was different then the thoughts I normally have. I can't really put this into words. But it was a scary moment. I wouldn't say, that I am afraid of death now, but it makes me think: I have to do so many things before I leave the planet...

Christmas time, memory time

Song: Seasons in the sun - Terry Jacks bzw. Le Moribond J. Brel
Quote: "The luck consists not in the fact that you can act like you want, but in the fact that you always want what you do." - Tolstoi.

Christmas time! Its getting dark outside, just around four o'clock and all I want to do is crawling under my blanket on my sofa with a nice, warm cup of black tee (the english way!) and watch out of my window, or the other way round and walk through the street, watching the stars and see my breath in the cold nightair and simply be happy. I think it doesn't need much, to be happy and that it are the small things that make you smile. But there are also the things, that can make you easily cry.

Well, well. It's almost 3 month, that I live here now. Wow, time is running.... Can't believe that. In ony two weeks I will be home again, but it will only be a visit, I am home here now. Strange thing to say. I didn't realize that when I was younger, that I will leave home and move 600km away. But it was the right thing to do. Love everything around me ;) And I am glad that (besides one day, when I got a sad letter from home)I didn't feel homesick at all. That's unusual for me. Maybe it is because I was so sure I what I will do after school, maybe I am grown up? No, can't be ;)

Alone with my thoughts

Song: Numb (Linkin Park)
Quote: "Darkness has no anwers!" (One Tree Hill)

Lately I know: It is really hard to be seperated from the people I know and love. In your everyday life you might not notice it, but you speak to them every day and laugh with them, tell them your problems and so on. I hadn't had internet and telefon (besides mobile phone which isn't that cheap) for 3 weeks and I felt disconnected to the word. Oh yes, I have to say: I am addicted to the media. Wow...well, I guessed it (in my englishtests in school, when we had to right essays about media), but that it would have this dimension I would have never guessed. I really felt relief about being able to login my accounts. I didn't feel, that I was up to the current news.
I know that I can call my parents whenever I feel like, but they have their own life and I feel like I disturb it (kind of), when I act like a little child that needs its parents. Even little pink elephants have to become adults ;) I know it's hard.
I can't believe that it is 3 weeks ago that I was home...I was never that long away from home...well...now it will be even more..but I am happy with it in a way. :)

A new beginning- Journey-point 2

Song: Post Blue - Placebo
Quote: I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way. (Carl Sandburg)

Well, well... now I have finally settled in my flat. Not yet in society in Berlin, College has't started yet officially, but that will be fine in a few weeks...at least I hope. I am not that sociable person, normally open to people I know well, but shy with strangers. I have an aim: starting all over at college. Don't do the same mistakes; don't seperate and do only your only thing.
I even went swimming, although I hate swimming, but I thought a new start has somewhere to begin. But a dream came true, I am here in Berlin, are able to study what I wanted since 8th grade (really...I stuck to it over all the time and although EVERYONE told me not to!!) and live on my own. Although this is rather dificult, when you had such a home I had. Welcoming and peaceful, full of love. This sounds like a clicheé, but I am very glad that I have them.
Thoughts cross my mind these days all the time, thoughts of this kind that can never been answered. Why? Why do I ask all this questions? I can't say. But such is life.

Long long time ago

Song: American Pie - Madonna
Quote: Busy Busy (from me)

Seems as if I hadn`t quiet the time to write my daily blog. Too bad. But I will write soon I hope. Have some thoughts that need to be written down. But I still wait on college acceptions, so I am a little bit tensed lately. After my training that was bad, I have some time now to think and wirte and the most important one: Listen to music again.
So, very little for today.

Reincarnation - Tolerance

Song: Reincarnation - Roger Miller
Quote: "There is a legend, that fallen knights return as great horses." King Arthur (Movie)

Isn`t this a nice thought? Being reborn as something great? I think the thought of being reborn in generell is a nice idea. Well, I was educated in the christian way , I even went to an evangelic school; but I read about Buddhism and the whole reincarnation-belief and I think it isn't wrong to believe in it. I think you can combine several religions, take the best ideas of everyone. I like the peaceful way and the controlling yourself through mediation of the Buddhism. It is something you can reach through patience and long practice of clearing your mind. But the most thing I like about the Buddhism and the current Dalai Lama is his tolerance towards other religions and science. He doesn't see a contradiction when the scientists proof something that confute a myth or something the Buddhists believe in. He is willing to rethink it, but he still finds a way to believe in his religion.
Isn't the thought nice, that a part of the soul from a dead being will be reborn in something new? Even if it is a tree or a horse? Some people think that the idea is dumb or even the people who believe in it. There can't be someone old in someone new. But what is to say against he thought? You see a part from someone you loved in someone else? Maybe it isn't true, but isn't the idea the main point? The thought that it could be true can give you hope. Have you ever seen "little Buddha" with Keanu Reeves? There it is the same topic.
I have never meet someone who died in another person - though I am young and maybe it will happen. For so long: "Om mani padme hum!"

Memories - History

Song: Thanks for the memories - Fall out boy
Quote: How can I be nostalgic for a world I never knew? (Graffiti on the Berlin Wall)

Berlin. My new home (hopefully). A city with history. I think it is really important to know the history. Well, I can understand the sentence, it is sometimes hard to imagine what really had happend at this times, but when you have the opportunity to get to know the history about a place, I think you should take it. Even if you "never knew the world" - there are so many memories in this town about the injustice that had happend there, so you can get a feeling for it. I, for myself, wasn't part of this world, eighter. I wasn't born back then and never got the division to see, but I am nostalgic for the world I never knew. Ok, well, I am German, but I know that there is a lot of misery out there and I think we should- wherever we are- care for the history of the place and learn from it. You can't know every misery that's going on (it's too much unfortunately!!) but when you have the chance - take it! This person that wrote the quote on the last piece of the Wall had the chance. I wonder if he had taken it. But I doubt it, although in every corner of this city the memories are quiet obvious; but the graffitis on the wall show me, that it is just a sightseeing thing:"I was here" is one of the most written sentences. This one is almost poetic in comparison. It shows me, that the author had at least thought about the Wall as an memorial. It`s a start I think. So: "Thanks for the memories, even though they weren't so great!"

The journey of the pink elephant- Topic: Family

Song: Feeling the moment - Feeder
Quote: A journey with 1000 miles begins with only one step. Lao-tse (4. century b.C.)

I love to travel. I have the idea of this little elephant, that I take with me everywhere I go and I will take a photo of it. It will be a documentation of the places I will see in my life. Especially now, when I take the first step into my independent life with my first own apartment and so on. The journey today was a family trip into the "wilderness" to celebrate a birthday and so the family came from different places together. I really like my family. I think that they are the only thing I miss when I move away to the other side of Germany; but I think it is an important step to begin your every own life maybe start your own family. The good thing is, that I know I am welcome everytime at my parents house and that they are there for me. I can't imagine a life without this family. When I see other families that are so broken I can't understand it. Our family life was always harmonical, but unfortunately I have seen so many other families that aren't this way. I think it is sad. A family is a basis, you need in life. It makes so many things easier. That is the reason, I think, why there are so many young people in Germany that need mental help, because there is no more support in the family. This is bitter. But a conversation sometimes help. Try it out and maybe you will see a miracle!

Just a first try

I will use this blog to write down some of my thoughts, so that I get them out of my head. Mabye it will also advocate my creativity and hopefully my english...
Well, I just wanted to start with a good first post...and this is not exactly the one I thought of, but hey, give it time, it will become better...I hope ;)
That`s it for now, I will sit down with a nice hot caramel-vanilla coffee and think about it....